The Struggle

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Lately, I have been a mess. Just an emotional mess. For 46 years, I have avoided dealing with feelings and situations. I have pushed down anything that tried to come up.

I no longer take anti-depressants for one thing. I can actually feel happy again! And when something touching or sad happens, my eyes tear up. For a long time, I didn’t cry. I finally got to a point where I wanted to feel all the feelings. I weaned myself off. Please research this and make your own decisions, this is what was right for me.

Now that I have been doing keto for several months, I have interrupted the cycle of “feel something, respond by snacking”. My brain still tells me I should have something to help me through the day. I have not quite found a different response. But I will share what I am doing:

I buy peanuts in the shell

and let myself have as many as I want. Sometimes I go a few days without them, but so far, I keep buying them. I can see that at some point, maybe I won’t need to depend on them. But honestly, I just don’t want to stop all snacking and eating without replacing it with something else. I know peanuts are somewhat controversial in the keto/paleo worlds, but I just don’t’ know what else to do.

On the bright side, I can already feel that eating, for anything other than physical hunger, is an empty pursuit. So I am hoping that very soon, I will be able to make better choices.

I have started coloring in my adult coloring book again.

This is more satisfying than I thought it would be. I just got a new book for my birthday and I cannot wait to get started. It would be very easy to get perfectionistic about this: wanting to use the best materials, not wanting to make a mistake, but so far, I am content with the simple pencils I have. I feel the fears and worries just fading away as I just continue taking baby steps.

On some level, it is disappointing that I can make a fun activity into a chore, but I am trying to just accept that that is what my tendency is, and figure out how to move forward.

I play games with my family.

We adapt games(like Monopoly) to make them more fun. And we regularly change the rules to make the game a better fit for our family.

I am full on doing the Flylady system to help me tackle my day and my housecleaning duties.

This completely free system could easily become overwhelming. That is why I don’t do the emails, I just follow a few flyladys on Youtube and I even joined a patreon group for $5 a month. It encourages me and is cheaper than a housekeeper. The FlyLady system is perfect for a perfectionist like me! Check out some of my other posts about Flylady here.

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