Today I am just going to write. Not according to what bloggers should write about. Not trying to draw traffic to my site. Not in order to make a sale.  I really really hope that by dumping my brain here, I can help myself AND more importantly I hope that what write can encourage you and help you along your journey.

I am tired. And discouraged. I mean down in my bones. Sometimes my brain tells me that “this” is what my overeating and other habits were trying to avoid. I reply to my own self that I no longer want to avoid the bad feelings. I want to feel them. And the good feelings too! Because I have learned that avoiding all the feelings also includes the good ones.

My body aches. I haven’t even started exercising. My guess is that simply moving around more is what is causing me so many muscle and joint aches. My body has changed and I feel that my posture is contributing to my neck, back and shoulder pain. I have lately been looking at myself in the mirror. I have never wanted to examine myself too closely. But now, I feel that in order to appreciate how far I have come, I need to understand where I am coming from.

I really believe that is one reason I cannot appreciate how far I have come: because I really don’t understand exactly how far I have come because I don’t know how far gone I was. I started seeing a chiropractor and am working on my posture. For now I am using any blue emu rub I can get my hands on. And taking ibruprophen. I don’t want to take it, but I cannot deal with the pain all day everyday. Even though it is prob mild.

Also, I feel that the stress and pressure I put on myself manifest in my neck and shoulders. I really believe I sabotage myself and then have an excuse to quit.

I don’t have any encouraging conclusion or a closing thought. I just want to continue to be transparent and share my journey. All parts of it.


  • Clarinda Zavala says:

    Jen you have come very far and I know we can get discouraged at times but you can fight through this. I’m always a text or call away. I will be praying for you and for Gods strength and healing. Keep going!! Don’t stop!!! Finish the race one step at a time my friend.

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