I want to QUIT!!

Here I am again: defeated, demoralized… overwhelmed and burnt out.

This time it is finances. I just keep trying.  And failing.  At least it feels like I am failing. I am not even sure.

I question everything I used to do.  Because that is what got me here.  And I hate here. I really do.

I can’t help but wonder if we really are doing just fine with finances, we just never knew how bad we really were, so we don’t know how good we are doing now. I know that is true for my body image. I never looked too closely at my body. So I think now I don’t know exactly how far I have come.

I would really like to quit finances. What do I mean by “quit finances”? I don’t even  know! That is just my default thinking.

But I am afraid of all my old thoughts. And I think I should be! Quitting to avoid failure is my go-to action plan. If you don’t get started, it is impossible to fail. Well, I have news for my old self—that is the definition of failure!

Currently I am rereading “Never Binge Again”. It is free for Kindle(please make sure it is still free before purchasing!)  I may have not totally agreed with the whole “Pig” analogy the first read.

That is what the author calls the voice in your head that wants to binge, be lazy, do things the easy way. I did not like thinking of a part of me as Pig. The author says it is not actually you.

But there is a negative voice in my head that is constantly berating me and my efforts. I don’t even think it is my own voice or thoughts. I think of it like an old tape playing. I actually call it the voice of Perfectionism. It constantly tries to “correct” what I am doing. In the most unconstructive way possible.

One thing I am doing to reconnect with my feelings(in addition to reading),  is not pushing away feelings that come up when I am watching a show, or listening to music. In the past, I have not wanted my cry in front of others or otherwise show “weakness” displaying feelings. BUT! The funny part is the if I am always pushing feelings away, they eventually begin to leak out. Uncontrollably.

If a movie is a sad and I feel a tear coming on, I just say “Whew! This movie is SAD!”and guess what?? I don’t sob uncontrollably. It seems that just by acknowledging the emotion is enough sometimes.

Again, thank you for listening. Please follow me on Instagram or Facebook or leave a comment here. I would enjoy hearing from you!

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